The next stage in the training
involved the eulogy. Unlike the vicar, a humanist
celebrant can take the time to research the person
who has just died, and this can involve interviews
with family and friends. There needs to be
considerable sensitivity in dealing with people who
are in a state of grief, and the training covered
this also. This is also our chance to get some live
experience; at this stage we are given a local
mentor, an experienced celebrant, who we observe
conducting personal interviews and funerals (with
permission of the bereaved of course). I have now
observed a few funerals, and I have not seen one
yet which hasn’t been meaningful, and that isn’t
because celebrants are better or even better
trained than vicars, it’s just they just have the
luxury of more time to deal with each case, and the
extra effort possible shows. This is why Humanist
funeral ceremonies are sometimes, although not
always, a little more expensive than Christian
ones. The final stage of training deals with the
nuts & bolts of the ceremony, the importance of
timing, of communicating with the funeral
directors, chapel administrators whilst of course,
making sure that the bereaved get what they want.
All of this must be done as sensitively as
possible. I must say that I have been somewhat
surprised and gratified at the very genuine concern
that these people have, and the efforts they make,
to ensure that everything goes well.
Now for some statistics; there are 215 accredited
celebrants in the UK, and you can add about two
dozen newly qualified people like me. There are
also Humanist celebrants around who are not
accredited by the BHA, and we don’t know how many
there are, but all the celebrants in the whole UK
are not likely to exceed 350 people. The BHA itself
has about 9,000 members, give or take, but there
are many more thousands who we know are Humanists
who do not belong to the BHA.
Indeed, in spite of what you might have heard from
the media over past months, a Mori Poll of many
thousands of people conducted on behalf of the BHA
early last year indicated that there are 17 million
people in this country who are either atheist or
agnostic. Now believe it or not,
that
brings the BHA a bit
of a headache. Demand for Humanist funerals has
been steadily increasing over recent years, and
awareness has been heightened no doubt by
high-profile humanist funerals for people like
comedians Linda Smith and Ronnie Barker, Jazz
singer George Melly, Musicians like Ian Drury, and
politicians such as Robin Cooke, who was known to
have requested a non-religious funeral – even
though he didn’t get one! (One wonders what Ronnie
Barker would have thought of the Westminster Abbey
Service that was held after his funeral also!). If
the BHA makes more public announcements about
Humanist funerals, there is a very real concern
that celebrants may be overwhelmed, and totally
unable to cope with demand, thereby letting people
down, and this would definitely not be good for the
cause of Humanism. The BHA needs to increase its
celebrant force fast and I mean, very fast. They
need to double the number in two years. Or less, if
possible.
One thing I’ve learned since I’ve started is that
everyone cares very much that the deceased are
served with dignity at the end of their lives, and
their family’s feelings are respected, and this
applies to all areas, here I include the religious
celebrants also. You might be surprised to learn
that much of our training addresses issues such as
how we deal with our own emotions. When you’ve
worked on a case for many hours, and alongside
those who loved them, it is very easy to develop a
sense that you know that person, and a bond often
develops, even though you never even met that
person. It’s very tough indeed to walk that
tightrope of being involved, and yet having to be
outside the situation enough to be in control
yourself. The celebrant must always be in control,
and this is especially difficult when dealing with
a young person, more than ever if it involves a
child. I have been told that these are the hardest
of all, and it is hardly surprising.
Needless to say, a sense of humour is an essential
part of being a celebrant. There are stories of
people’s last wishes that mourners should party at
their funeral, that jazz bands should play, as with
George Melly’s funeral, that gravestones should
have funny lines, like Spike Milligan’s, which says
“I told you I was ill” or that mourners should wear
bright colours. Oh yes, contrary to what many
people might think, a sense of humour is vital for
any celebrant.
That’s all I’ve got to say now. I hope you found it
interesting. I have some leaflets about what to do
if you need a celebrant, though I hope very much
that no-one here needs a celebrant for personal
reasons for a very long time indeed!
If you have any
questions, I will be happy to try to answer them as
best as I can.